This pain won't disappear. Love and acceptance... I thought they don't matter at all but something inside my heart tells me that it is important and I damn need them. Why can't I move on? It's just the same problem that keeps hurting me again and again. I just can't find the right pieces, the right colors, and the right words. I think I'm breaking from the inside. It's the worst. You're wounded but you can't bleed, you're full but you can't spew, you're scared but you can't scream, you're dying but you can't cry. This is my fate, I thought I accepted it. It was just like no matter what I do, I can't change anything at all. I can't change after all. I knew this but why am I still hoping like a fool that even for the smallest chance that seems so negligible I can still live at the wonderland. I know I'm not Alice that's why there's no such thing for me. It's just so hard to believe that even in the end there's no such thing as HAPPILY EVER AFTER for me.
There's no room for REGRETS in the point where everything ENDS. That's nice. If everything ends after all, you can't regret, you can't cry, you can't feel anything. It's the point where everyone don't value at all. The only problem here is that I'm miles miles miles away from that end. It's hard to let go of the things that will just hurt you. It's hard to let go of the jealousy, insecurity, self-doubt, and the feeling of becoming unvalued.
I wish I could run and go far far away. I want to be alone for a while, maybe at an island or some mountain out there. I need more space away from people, away from these feelings, but until then, I don't think this endless rain will ever stop...
Live☆Laugh☆Love
Shigeru
