Morning View

It's been a while since I wrote something here. Hello my personal blog, my personal space. Right now, my time is devoted with work and LIFE ISSUES. Things are changing. Something inside me is taking shape but it feels like I'm losing myself. My mind is full of thoughts... about the future... about my dreams. Fear exists.

There are so many things I wanted to do, to achieve but I'm always burdened with my own weaknesses and even though I clearly recognize them, why is it so hard to change? I want to become a better person. I want to mature. I should focus on my priorities and let go of my passion for a while. Well, easy to be said than to be done. How can I let go of something I REALLY LOVE? Damn, it's hard!...even just for two years.

CAREER. I'm having my internship at a television network. Experiencing the 'almost' reality of adults made me realize and think about life. It gave me direction and DOUBTS at the same time. I'm falling in love with the field of broadcasting. However, it seems like I'm only seeing the good side of things and it feels like I will also love the field of communications if I only chose to work at the telecommunication industry. But still the bottom line is: I want to work at a company which (1) has a good pay, (2) I enjoy, (3) and could bring me to Japan. God knows how I've always wanted to go on that country.

CELEBRITIES. When you work at a TV network not to mention the largest, the oldest, and the leading network in the country, accept that you'll meet a celebrity whether you like or love it. You'll meet your favorite cosplayer, your favorite band vocalist and even your celebrity crush. You'll have butterflies on your stomach every time! It's amazing right only that it's like a drug especially if you have an inferiority complex like me. Not that it's a total drawback 'cause you'll find yourself wanting to improve but still a STRESS is a stress. Although I'm really happyヾ(*・ω・)ノ゜(starting to lose sense)

TV Show Taping

STUDIES. Aaaah, I don't want to go back to university this June! It's my last year and expectantly things are going to be rougher and tougher from now on. I have to let go of my hobbies, fangirling, dress-up, etc. It's so hard because these are the things I love and been my inspiration for a long time but I know I have to so that I can focus and concentrate on more important things (but these are...  (☍﹏⁰) really important things too!) I just have to endure it until I graduated and passed my board exams. *sigh* It's too long.

There are still so much random thoughts on my mind. Even I couldn't settle everything right now, I'm going to move forward. Let's do our best (`･ω･´)9 "I'll try hard!"

Goodnight!

Random :D

This is so much LOVE^^

ME: Why are you sad?
URU: It's because I finally realized I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore.
ME: Oh... *turns around crying* I understand.
URU: Yeah, let's get married.

BWAHAHAHAHA! Imagination ♥
Uruha ga daidaidaisuki! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Dear life, a little happiness won't hurt. I won't be mad if I'll receive some.

lol. I've been writing a lot of frustrations lately and to think I'm on vacation now. It feels like I'm getting broken deeper and deeper. I even swore to be a lot more positive. I guess optimistic people are really the emotional ones. Uwaaaah~ I'm so effin depressed like my mood is below the sea level, like deep deep down the Earth's effin core! Have you ever felt like this? Like something is stuck on your chest that it feels so heavy and tears just slide on your eyes without even noticing. I've even feel like screaming, "Oh fuck life in the whole neighborhood," (which of course I can't)

I've been productive anyway, cleaned my room yesterday and finished another 10 pages on my math logbook today. I want to have a job but I don't think I could handle it once I return to university.

On the other hand, (seems like I have a lot to tell, lol) HALOWEEN is just around the corner! I wonder if I should dress myself but I’m so… Ugggh… sad to do, but I want to! I’ve been fighting with my brain because of it. I’ve been itching to talk and to talk but I just don’t have anyone to listen. Yes, I’m a Rapunzel stuck on her tower right now without anyone to talk to or maybe I should start creating an imaginary friend and play hide and sick with her. *sigh* I’m getting crazy of loneliness!

Darn frustrations. Hate you. I want to be happy you know. I just don’t know how. Maybe I need a friend.

My parents won't help. When these two fight, I wonder why I'm always the one to suffer? I haven't eaten anything for the whole day and I'm the one receiving all of their complains. Life is so great right? Wherever I go, whether school of home, it's all messed up.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Down

Been out for so long.

There are so many updates with The GazettE too.

I wonder if tomorrow is going to be alright.

I want to have moooooreeee time with fandom.

Spacing~*

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Red

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Blog Under Construction

Reconstructing my blog.
Hope it gets better!
I'll be writing again sometime.
Thank you for reading ♥

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Pathetic

I don’t feel like I can do it. It feels like as time passes by, the things that I could do become less and lesser. Maybe there’s something really wrong on me. Unable to do the things that others could do, even the things that I used to be so good at seems to be so far away from my grasps. I don’t think I’ll become any use of the society. I don’t know what I could do and if there is, it won’t be special. It just doesn’t feel so right after all. Having more of the things that I want, I don’t know if I could reciprocate the things that my parents give to me. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to be a pitiful person. I want to do something for somebody. I just don’t know if I could be a useful adult someday. “Will I be able to stand up on my own? Will I forever lean on someone?” things like that starts to trouble me.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Closet Overload

Later, I think I'll go shopping if there's money left after I buy a new calculator but my problem is...

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT ANYMORE!

This is the 2nd part of my closet that's dedicated for tops and shirts. There's even more in the laundry. There's also a separate closet for my every day clothes. And for so you know, this is the last available compartment that I could use. Man, I'm turning into a clothing geek. I decided to throw and do some cleaning yesterday but still... IT'S FREAKING FULL! *sigh* Maybe I'll buy a new cabinet instead... *gets hit*

So the money that I've been saving for a new camera would be use in buying a new calculator, pants, and shoes. *laughs* I really love my father for that surprising present yesterday. HAPPINESS I LOVE YOU!

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

私の部屋に垣間見る

Anime Collection on Hiatus *laughs*

I did some cleaning today and I just noticed how I became so mean and neglected my anime DVDs collection. Yeah, I'm a little bit guilty that they just ended up locked in a cabinet and messily arranged like this:

They just piled up like that and I don't even give a damn to arrange them like I used to. I'm an otaku since I was on my elementary days but ever since I involved myself into visual kei bands "jrock" I kind of lost my interest to update my collection and kept buying stuffs related to my favorite bands. I know I suck as an otaku but please do forgive me =) I'm going to shop new DVDs when I'm free. I promised ♥

Ah back to the past this is my most expensive and very first anime that I bought:

 

AYASHI NO CERES

::+I watched it seven times before

I finally decided to buy a new series. *laughs*

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Around the Town :)

Yesterday, we went around for the election campaign of my uncle. I kinda regret waking up early. My mother forced me to support my uncle. She couldn't because she's working for the other party. You know, I'm not into that kind of stuff especially when it involves going outside. I love my home! I don't want to leave~ Well at least not now, it's my vacation away from university after all.

I realized how I became a stranger on my own town. No, precisely speaking, how the town became stranger to me. I'm surprised with the new development. The last time I went to those places where... ahmm... maybe five years old? You see, it feels so different. Many subdivisions were established. The green was gone. It's kinda sad~I kinda reminisced the time when we're so very poor.

I"We used to sell fishes when I was young. I always cry that time. It's freakin' hot. We're just using our "OWNER" vehicle *should I describe it?* it looks like this. It's four wheeled, then... ah... it's kinda open, no ventilations and stuffs... and! *brain blast* I don't know how to describe it! We don't have a maid so my parents have to tag me and my younger brother along. I always hate being poor that time but when I reminisce those times, I knew I kinda enjoy it too. Those memories that I have, it's my strength to move on when I was getting bullied at school. Those rich brats... damn them! *laughs*"

So now... I became one of those spoiled brats! *laughs*

And now I wonder, how did we became so poor when I finally meet my distant family members. It's such a failure that I didn't brought my cam yesterday. The motorcade was long enough to cause a road blocking. The politics here was just among our family. I wonder why~ 

Well, now, thanks to you my Dad! We're not so poor anymore (It seems like I'm bragging that we're rich, tee-hee!) It's not like that. It's just that... this life I have... feels so different than what I had twelve years ago~

I'm thankful for everything especially to God.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Date with Chichi

Chichi and I bought some rings!

This is my favorite: simple yet charming ♥

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Shigeru

Oyasumi Shiroi-chan ♥

It's been a while since Shiroi-chan and I played.
She's tired now~ Oyasumi Shiroi-chan ♥
I'm uploading our pics.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Lasagna

Tiring day^^

I deserve a treat~

Itadakimasu ♥

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Rubi

It's been a long time since I've last updated this. Now, I don't know what to write. My days were filled with happy and sad thoughts. Everyday at university seems so tiring. I just can't gain any strength to move forward. I wish life will be easier. No no, maybe I'm the one whose making it hard for me. I decided to do my best but I just got these complains every now and then. I sucks. haha^^

So... but you see... I'm really happy! I experienced many things for example... hmmm... My first time riding the MRT. I always ride the LRT to Engineering Building but there's this time I have to ride the other one. It started like this. I don't know that there is a segregation thing and women are supposed to ride the first half of the train and the men are at the second half. I was mixed up with the guys and missed the train. It' so damn cramped! Then there's this pager that tells something about the train policies and I just realized that I'm with the wrong crowd. So I went to the other side and successfully rode the train. The train stopped at my station. I can't get off! People at the LRT station are really polite that they wait for the people to alight first before pushing themselves in so I was shocked here at the MRT. They're so rude! We're just three people getting off but it took forever before we successfully did. I thought I'm going to die that time.

I just thought that many of my problems are brought up by my stubbornness. Well, it's not that bad but sometimes I just don't know when to stop (or maybe I don't really want to). I want the world in my hands. Oh, I remembered Rubi! She's a character from a TV series. I'm more like her conquered by desires, devoured by luxuries. Here she is (Philippine Version):

I love Angelica Panganiban since I was young!

I'm currently downloading something. Of course, it's something concerned with the GazettE. I can't seem to get over with them. I just love them. I hope I could attend their lives. I just need more money for the plane ticket and concert ticket. Haha^^ I have many things I've been saving for. I don't know when will I stop craving for money. I really sucks.

My thoughts are starting to muddle up. I'll try to write later :))

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Rolling days^^

I'm torn between studies and obsession. I have so many dreams in the future but my desires in the present keep conquering me. What should I do now? How can I get over this? Something this wrong should end but if this is what makes me happy, like this is all that matters, how can I control my self in embracing such pleasure? I'm a girl living in desire.

Self-control is a must! I should get over with it! I'm really exhausted this week with my university matters that my insides are really craving for fan fictions, anime newsreel, and my Vrock love. I keep devouring myself. I should rest, DEFINITELY! I have to prepare myself for another tiring week. I haven't done any homework, reports, or research today so surely my tomorrow will be so busy. I wish my addiction won't harm me tomorrow.

Oh wait, it's Sunday already! Arggh! How did it became so late? Time slips in my hands. Got to sleep... or maybe after watching two PVs. After all, no fan girl thing after I wake up. I'll let myself enjoy at least before I rest.

"My heart is closed off, everything frightens me,

How far must I go? I cannot walk any further!"

- SERENADE by Versailles

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

          

New blog :))

Two days of no classes... tonight, I'm updating my blog. I like it to have a doll motif. I'm thinking of what else I could put in here, hmmm~ yeah. I hope it'll turn out fine.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

rain rain!

Today it's raining... hibernation period.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Lucky :b

(late post)
(Saturday June 5)

The God of Luck is with me this first week of June (haha). I’m so happy that I always succeed of what am I doing plus I gained so many things. I feel like a very awesome girl. Well, maybe it’s because of what happened last month. I felt that everyday I’m losing important things but now… I’m actually having things on my way (just like a payback).

Today…
*I appreciated life even more
*I found the English translation of the blog I’ve been craving to read
*I finally downloaded the two concert videos of my favorite band and succeeded on downloading the software for file extension program.
*I finally ate meat again (we’ve been eating seafood a lot these past few days)
*I received my hair treatment gift for my birthday^^

Haha^^ Looks like a scene from a horror movie.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

One week

I can't update my blog... 'Coz I don't have anything interesting done. This is my everyday routine.

Wake up->Eat->Music/DVD->Sleep->Eat->Sleep

See? Nothing great, oh I have some drafts here about the other day.
I failed to post it because I can't find the picture attach with it.
Guess I have to clean my folders and files again.
I'll make some DIY tomorrow and clean (another impossible plan) my room.
Look forward for it ♥

One week before the start of classes, is it time to cram from qualifying exams?
Hmmm... Maybe not, let's just go with "MY PACE" type of study.
I've read about batteries today though I haven't finish the last 3 pages.
It's tiring, you know. It's my first for a long time.
Tomorrow is all about Magnetism.
Haha^^ I started at the middle of the book. I'm glad I've been able to understand what I've studied today. Yeah, I don't usually do study but I want to change for some awesome reason "I WANT TO BE SUPER RICH" (though the MY PACE attitude is still there).

I bought a pair of nice shoes yesterday and a belt. I'll post it tomorrow.
I've been craving to buy a new guitar and focus myself into learning.

I'm also waiting for the sewing machine my mother promised.
So for my list:
guitar, a bag, a cap, a new music player (mp4 will do, cheap things are better, I broke my Ipod recently), concert videos, and some supplies for my DIY

I wonder if I could afford it all^^

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru