Backache :(

It’s been a week since I started returning to my old lifestyle: sleeping too late (3 am) and waking up at 12 noon. Today I decided to wake up early so I slept at our living room and as expected… it’s a backbreaking wake-up call! Even though I put some futons on the floor, my body still hurts like hell this morning. It feels like I haven’t sleep at all. Well whatever, this was a success after all (I woke up at 7:35 in the morning).

So for whatever happens, let’s make this a fruitful day. I really need to go back in shape for the opening of classes (as I was saying again and again but never change much). I’m excited to see my schedule tomorrow (it was suppose to be yesterday but it was moved). I hope I don’t have night classes… killing. I still don’t have the guts to study but I was force to teach my brother because of his entrance exams. I think it’s better than doing nothing. I’m too lazy for DIYs lately.

Then I realized my schedule ran out of track. On a matter of two weeks, I’ll be returning to university… ah so lame, don’t really want to go^^ After involving myself to Lolita Fashion then into Gyaru (I’m still in it), it’s like I’m entering Visual Kei next. I love the fashion (yeah, I love it for a long time but these days are the most) and the bands. Maybe I should be involve in Decora too (haha^^ I like it). For some reason, I’m in love with these bands The GazettE, LM.C, An Café, and Alice Nine. (I’ll make a separate entry for musics). If you’ll just see the PVs, it’s totally rock!

THE GAZETTE

Haha~ but then again, I still can’t help indulging my self to the pleasure of Yaoi. I’ve read some fan stuffs and stories (about those bands) and it’s really awesome! I guess people are good in expressing those kinds of stuffs, (so dramatic and funny). It feels like I won’t get over to the uke and seme stuffs. haha^^

Let’s end this, got to eat and make myself a healthful creature.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Playlist: LM.C

LM.C

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Oh my Juliet

For some reason I fell in love with this song:

Oh my Juliet - LM.C

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Endless Rain

This pain won't disappear. Love and acceptance... I thought they don't matter at all but something inside my heart tells me that it is important and I damn need them. Why can't I move on? It's just the same problem that keeps hurting me again and again. I just can't find the right pieces, the right colors, and the right words. I think I'm breaking from the inside. It's the worst. You're wounded but you can't bleed, you're full but you can't spew, you're scared but you can't scream, you're dying but you can't cry. This is my fate, I thought I accepted it. It was just like no matter what I do, I can't change anything at all. I can't change after all. I knew this but why am I still hoping like a fool that even for the smallest chance that seems so negligible I can still live at the wonderland. I know I'm not Alice that's why there's no such thing for me. It's just so hard to believe that even in the end there's no such thing as HAPPILY EVER AFTER for me.

There's no room for REGRETS in the point where everything ENDS. That's nice. If everything ends after all, you can't regret, you can't cry, you can't feel anything. It's the point where everyone don't value at all. The only problem here is that I'm miles miles miles away from that end. It's hard to let go of the things that will just hurt you. It's hard to let go of the jealousy, insecurity, self-doubt, and the feeling of becoming unvalued.

I wish I could run and go far far away. I want to be alone for a while, maybe at an island or some mountain out there. I need more space away from people, away from these feelings, but until then, I don't think this endless rain will ever stop...

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru