Enrollment

I’m crying of disappointment. This day is somewhat full of expectations and ended up into a mess. I wish I never wished for anything. Why it is so hard to have my wishes come true? I really hate myself. I wish I could be a little bit more mature, maybe this won’t hurt that much.

I hate boredom. Once I’m indulged into it, I can’t bring myself to cheer up again. I’ve been so grumpy today. I canceled my spree tomorrow for this day, for this very disappointing, boring, and waste of time day.

I woke up early in the morning to accompany my brother (with my mom) in his enrollment and to pay my tuition after it. I thought we’re going to have some time bonding or enjoy shopping together but there’s this, there’s that, seems their business won’t end. We went there at 7 am and leave at 4 pm. I totally missed the banking hours! There’s no way I could pay my tuition today! But since we’re on the mall already, I thought we still could enjoy doing something nice. We walked and began to window-shopping, my and my mom’s taste never agreed. We walked a little longer and my brother saw some shoes. We started to argue about his preference. The shoe looks so lame and so big for his tiny little foot. Then, we heard some music… “Ah! A band (a marching band), well whatever, I don’t care.” this is what I thought. In the other case, my mother was very very very much interested. She stares at it every time it passes by. This is a total piss off. I mean, do you know what it feels? It’s as if you’re just three people walking together but never had the same interest. I hope she’ll give some attention or care for whatever we are doing but all of those things were given to that stupid band. I’m not having fun at all. Fine, she could just stare to that stupid band forever; I’ll just stand here and sulk. I want to go home already, shopping like this is nuts.

In summary, I endured 9 hours of boredom just to eat at some fast food and watch a stupid band and idiotic fashion show. I’ll have to pay my tuition alone tomorrow since I told my classmate that my mom and I would handle it today.

Now, I’m listening to the GazettE songs. It amazingly cheers me up. I cried on the first song played. All of my disappointment are flowing with those tears.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Him

I have a little problem about my brother. I think he’s turning into someone… someone… not good. I can’t understand him even a bit. His words no longer keep its sense, just merely daggers to hurt people. He’s growing up but it’s like he’s becoming more childish (in a worst sense). Maybe there’s a part that I’ve influenced him but I never thought I could be someone like that. I have a little problem about my family too but recently I try to keep it all. It’s as if I’m in the course of being used to. For him, I really feel his changing and it’s bad (there’s no way I would be used to). He’s so dear to our parents (I know it the most) but if he continues like this, I think sooner he’s going to hurt them. The way he speaks to my grandma and me is driving me insane. He’s really grumpy but sweet if he needs something.

I don’t think I have the right to give him a CHARACTER REFORMATION since I’m not a good someone too but I want to make him into someone better (at least he don’t end up like me… disoriented). “He’s kind and nice,” my parents used to tell that to me and I know if he averts being like that, there will always be blame to me THE NOT SO GOOD MODEL SISTER. Well whatever, as long as he didn’t end up being broken, it’s fine to me^^

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Backache :(

It’s been a week since I started returning to my old lifestyle: sleeping too late (3 am) and waking up at 12 noon. Today I decided to wake up early so I slept at our living room and as expected… it’s a backbreaking wake-up call! Even though I put some futons on the floor, my body still hurts like hell this morning. It feels like I haven’t sleep at all. Well whatever, this was a success after all (I woke up at 7:35 in the morning).

So for whatever happens, let’s make this a fruitful day. I really need to go back in shape for the opening of classes (as I was saying again and again but never change much). I’m excited to see my schedule tomorrow (it was suppose to be yesterday but it was moved). I hope I don’t have night classes… killing. I still don’t have the guts to study but I was force to teach my brother because of his entrance exams. I think it’s better than doing nothing. I’m too lazy for DIYs lately.

Then I realized my schedule ran out of track. On a matter of two weeks, I’ll be returning to university… ah so lame, don’t really want to go^^ After involving myself to Lolita Fashion then into Gyaru (I’m still in it), it’s like I’m entering Visual Kei next. I love the fashion (yeah, I love it for a long time but these days are the most) and the bands. Maybe I should be involve in Decora too (haha^^ I like it). For some reason, I’m in love with these bands The GazettE, LM.C, An Café, and Alice Nine. (I’ll make a separate entry for musics). If you’ll just see the PVs, it’s totally rock!

THE GAZETTE

Haha~ but then again, I still can’t help indulging my self to the pleasure of Yaoi. I’ve read some fan stuffs and stories (about those bands) and it’s really awesome! I guess people are good in expressing those kinds of stuffs, (so dramatic and funny). It feels like I won’t get over to the uke and seme stuffs. haha^^

Let’s end this, got to eat and make myself a healthful creature.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Playlist: LM.C

LM.C

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Shigeru

Oh my Juliet

For some reason I fell in love with this song:

Oh my Juliet - LM.C

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Shigeru

Endless Rain

This pain won't disappear. Love and acceptance... I thought they don't matter at all but something inside my heart tells me that it is important and I damn need them. Why can't I move on? It's just the same problem that keeps hurting me again and again. I just can't find the right pieces, the right colors, and the right words. I think I'm breaking from the inside. It's the worst. You're wounded but you can't bleed, you're full but you can't spew, you're scared but you can't scream, you're dying but you can't cry. This is my fate, I thought I accepted it. It was just like no matter what I do, I can't change anything at all. I can't change after all. I knew this but why am I still hoping like a fool that even for the smallest chance that seems so negligible I can still live at the wonderland. I know I'm not Alice that's why there's no such thing for me. It's just so hard to believe that even in the end there's no such thing as HAPPILY EVER AFTER for me.

There's no room for REGRETS in the point where everything ENDS. That's nice. If everything ends after all, you can't regret, you can't cry, you can't feel anything. It's the point where everyone don't value at all. The only problem here is that I'm miles miles miles away from that end. It's hard to let go of the things that will just hurt you. It's hard to let go of the jealousy, insecurity, self-doubt, and the feeling of becoming unvalued.

I wish I could run and go far far away. I want to be alone for a while, maybe at an island or some mountain out there. I need more space away from people, away from these feelings, but until then, I don't think this endless rain will ever stop...

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

La Descarada

It's the first Spanish Song that I love^^

the translation is like this...

LA DESCARADA

she's a shameless

because she is the most wonderful woman

she has nothing

but she likes expensive life

and i do like her

and i know how much she loves me

i know she dreams about me

but she wakes up in another bed

and money stole her heart

lies won her soul

and her pain hurts me

more than her betrayal

and i was born only for loving her although she leaves

woman of nobody, woman of everybody

woman that kills, woman that hurts

woman that gives herself, and that snatches/seizes

such an expensive woman, ungrateful woman

i know that you won't forget me although you leave

i do know that you won't forget me although you leave

i keep her old picture in my wallet

she's my bigger fortune and my misfortune

the shameless one, i'll keep on my way

world is not ending, this life is very short

it charges you and it pays to you

and money stole her heart

lies won her soul

and her pain hurts me

more than her betrayal

and i was born only for loving her although she leaves

woman of nobody, woman of everybody

woman that kills, woman that hurts

woman that gives herself, and that snatches/seizes

such an expensive woman, ungrateful woman

i know that you won't forget me although you leave

i do know that you won't forget me although you leave

woman of nobody, woman of everybody

woman that kills, woman that hurts

woman that gives herself, and that snatches/seizes

such an expensive woman, ungrateful woman

i know that you won't forget me although you leave

i do know that you won't forget me although you leave

(credits to original translator)

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Ningyou Photoshoot^^

The Path of Being a Lady

If there’s a path like this, I really need a map and a shortcut! I’m getting older every year but my mind is stuck being a 13 or maybe 11 yrs old child (maybe my brain is broken somewhere). Can you even imagine that I sacrificed my breakfast for playing with dolls? Yeah, I woke up in the morning and the first thing that I thought was to play with them. As a total, I have14 dolls (three of them are little angels or maybe fairies, haha~). I straighten their hair the last time I played with them (maybe 2 years ago) and a while ago I curled it (I know it! Something’s wrong with me!). I opened the old dusty box where their accessories and stuffs are hidden for a photo shoot. I was busy taking pictures and make-overing my dolls the whole day. I woke up 8:30 am and took my first meal at 3:00 pm so the whole time I was busy with dolls. Then after I ate, I rested for a while and surf the net. It was then I realized I really look like a scavenger. I mean my face was so oily, my hair was messy, and the dust stuck to my skin. I forgot that I haven’t bathed yet!

But overall, this day is awesome! I feel like a goody gal and made some good deeds. I unexpectedly finished three DIY today (1 hairband and 2 clips). I’m proud that even in the middle of my obsession; I still retain my creative consciousness (haha). Tomorrow, I’ll be dealing with a flower base, a keychain, and creating an entry for my doll photo shoot a while ago (I’m too lazy to do it today^^).

Classes are so very near (so very near it drives me this insane). I have to read some books and review my 1st semester lessons (I hope I really do this). We have a qualifying exam this year, seriously. This what drives me mad the most. I know I have to study but I don’t have the guts to do it right now. I really think I deserve more vacation. Anyway, I miss my friends and I want to hang out too so I think it will be alright. My brain became so rusty too so I need to do some cleaning and exercise before I became a bean head girl.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Beads

Here's my latest DIY: ( a bit too late)

So I learn how to use pins but bending them is so much trouble^^

I'm really proud of my Humanoid Earrings,. It looks elegant and so cute,. haha~ 

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Idle

A day like yesterday is what I call ABUSING MY VACATION. After the night of drama and headache last Friday, I finally had the opportunity to watch anime all day long yesterday (so happy). I wish everything is like that~ hmmm,. I miss my life. I've been watching Bleach, I'm trying to catch up to the latest episode (haha a long way to go).

Idle days are very much wonderful. No need to think or try hard, no need to make yourself feel alive. I just can't help loving doing nothing haha. My parents promised me that they will fix my room. I'm not looking forward for it that much because... I don't know... It seems that it's not that easy as the way it sounds. I also don't want to expect anything from anyone anymore. It's so painful. That's why I hate promises. I hate people who promises but in the end they don't have the damn guts to make it happen. Life becomes so much less exciting that I'm getting sick of it.

I slept 2 am yesterday (or so I mean today) and for a lazy bum like me who spends half of her day sleeping what time do you expect me to wake up? Whatever guess you have I think you're wrong. I slept 2 am and woke up at 6 am. I slept for merely 4 hours. This damn sucks! I want to spend my time sleeping but some other people out there don't care that much and turn on my TV (at a loud volume). This indicates that my day starts with a grump. (freakin' insolent people!)

Today is another day where we suppose to go out and have fun calling it as FAMILY DAY like last Sunday. Not good as it sounds, I've got nothing to do that day but hate people. I don't know anymore, I can't have fun with anyone as I used to. Maybe fun things have a deeper and different understanding for me^^

Ideal bed (^,^)

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Kimi ni Okuru Uta

I'm starting to love Sugawara Sayuri!

Kimi ni Okuru Uta
ENGLISH TRANSLATION

Hey, I want to see you right now

I want to come right out and say it

I want you to give me a special look

I love you just the way you are

I want to tell you my true feelings

I will always love you

I put a lock sign on the email I got from you

So it won't be deleted

So I can look at it any time, anywhere

And feel close to you

So many times, when I am alone

I think of you, I end up thinking of you

I can't see anything but you

When it comes to "love", I don't think anyone can beat me

Hey, I want to see you right now

I want to come right out and say it

I want you to give me a special look

I love you just the way you are

I want to tell you my true feelings

I love you always

I don't really want a lot

I just want you to notice how I feel

Touching, cuddling, the simple things are all I need

I want to be laughing by your side

So many times, even when Im with someone else

I think of you, I end up thinking of you

If you are carrying some weakness, I want to support you

I feel like I want to protect you

Hey, I want to see you right now

I want to come right out and say it

I want you to give me a special look

I love you just the way you are

I want to tell you my true feelings

I love you always

Your innocent smile, your strong arms, your back that I love so much

The more we are together, the more they attract me

It's so mysterious

Hey, what are you doing now, and where?

Who do you like?

What do you think of me?

Out of everyone in the whole world, I sing this song for you, only you

I want to send it to you

I love you always...

Hey, I want to see you right now

I want to come right out and say it

I want you to look at me with a special expression

I love you just the way you are

I want to tell you my true feelings

I will always love you

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Fixing things bit by bit

Today is a nice day. I finished many projects and they look super extraordinary cute (haha). I'm so glad they turned out good even though I lacked of materials (I'll show it tomorrow). Everything looks fine about me for this day: The weather is not that hot anymore, I ate a lot today, and I reconciled with the people to whom I made misunderstandings. I can't say that we had an argument or something but our relation is not that good. I'm fixing myself bit by bit. I can't stay like a spoiled princess anyway and I know I have to grow up, learn to accept the things that wouldn't go on my way, and learn to be a little bit more humble.

Life is rough so I have to be strong. Everything seems a big deal for me and I have to change that. Ignoring things is not that bad especially if it would only hurt you. Good things depend on how you look them so be positive! (I think I'm starting to lecture myself, haha) Anyway, seems my vacation would end so soon. I have to pack some of my things on a big box since I would like to concentrate on my studies (I don't want the pain of cleaning them everyday!). I have to fix my closet since I just dumped my clothes there (too lazy to fold them properly). This week we have a new helper. I don't like her at first but she seems nice. I think I must give her chance to prove herself to me, haha.

Oh, speaking of classes, I'm still not sure if I'll board or just endure commuting from my house to uni (it really sucks during rush hours). I don't know if I'm ready to be independent since I depend everything to them, haha, but I think I should give it a damn try to learn. Hmmm,. I still can't decide, guess I'll just think it over again when I've got my schedule.

Last day was a storm,

Yesterday was raining,

Today is fine but

I hope tomorrow is a brighter day ;)

I don't have the time to watch Bleach today, too bad.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Insanity sucking vacation

 

Yeah,. So today is another day of hell for me. Nothing seems interesting and fun to do. I want to sleep again and wake up to another day where it is filled with happy stuffs and not just to be stuck here enduring the chain of boredom. Happy stuffs are just too far away from my grasps. The things I planned and the things I wished, I have no choice but to let them go. I'm stuck here giving way for other's enjoyment. I'm stuck here letting others touch my happiness. Many times I blew up but in them end, I still have to endure being stuck.

And my favorite line.... *drumroll*

THIS REALLY SUCKS! Arggh,. My vacation will be over but until now nothing productive seems to happen. This may sound so selfish and greedy but I wish to be alone with all the gadgets in these house. They're my only friend (since those people whom I call *FRIEND* is out there enjoying they're summer). As more time passes of being me stuck into this house, I feel like I'm getting more and more corrupt and retarded here. This place isn't relaxing in any way (my body does nothing but my mind and inner self are too much exhausted). I feel like it isn't my home anymore. There's more restrains and restrictions here. I can't even tell anyone what I'm feeling since I doubt if they'll even care. I'm sick of the days that I just have to go on with the flow. I like to do the things I like without holding back.

So if you're asking me if I want to go to uni, I'm telling you NO either! I'm really tired of everything. I want some time to be alone, to fix this selfish and loathsome heart of mine. I want to be free of the unwanted social conversations and responsibilities. I want to go back being a little child free of everything (free from expectations, free from complains, and free to be selfish). I really miss those days when everything seems so simple and I don't have any burden to face the society's standards.

Why do people have to grow up, anyway?
I really envy Wendy. If I were her, I'd stay with Peter at the Netherlands,.

So I'm continuing my freak with BLEACH (let's end my pathetic story),.
I love the scene where Ichigo defeated Grimmjow.
I'll make a separate entry for the review some other time soon =)
(I know I could enjoy it more if no one is on the way)

(I really planned decorating this entry with dark colors but since I'm over with them, I think colorful stuffs will fit into my not so good emotions. And this cute little things cheer me up too!)

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Shigeru

Gyaru

I'm currently involve into a group so-called SWEET LOLITA WANNA BE (haha,.)but I can't help to love gyaru. It's more easy and comfortable to wear.

I think I'm gonna shift my fashion sense (haha,.) or just love them both,.

        

I'm thinking of a new haircut. I hope bangs would fit me^^

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Shigeru

Felt Papers

I'm inspired to do these:

 

  

 

It's so cute =)

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Shigeru

Happy Mother's Day

Today is the second week of May and it's... *drumroll*

(Roses given by my father to my mother)

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's out there, especially to MY MOTHER!
I love her so much (though I'm not really good showing it^^)
I always pray to God that even though I'm like this as long as I have my mother, I know I'll be okay and perfectly fine.

Happy Mother's Day, Ma! You're the most perfect mother I could ever have =)

QUOTE FROM A FILM:
Who's the person who never love his mother?

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Shigeru

4 Days

I told you I'd shop for more materials.

These are all accessories made up of laces^^

I planned to post them step by step but all of the pictures I took was accidentally erased.

(poor me,. after all the effort,. LOL)

BRACELET, RIBBON HAIR CLIP, EARRINGS & NECKLACE, PINS

Materials: LACES, beads, nylon strings, glue, thread; needle, and some broken accessories.

 

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Shigeru

Cleaning^^

I cleaned and found this =)

I'm not into mugs but I think these are cute =)

The cute guy on the fourth picture is Gino (from Code Geass).

Jonachi gave this to me at our first year at uni ^^ (yay! so happy!)

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Shigeru

Bracelets

Here I am staring at my computer looking for online lolita dresses. I really envy those people who could wear them with pride and ignoring the society’s cruelty to difference and individuality.

A while ago at my favorite noontime show, I saw a girl attempting a gothic lolita outfit. She’s wearing a black dress and a black headpiece (nothing really unusual) but the hosts noticed her out so easily. I’m not jealous with her but what I’m trying to say is if that simple get-up attempt catches too much attention, what more is the real lolita fashion? What kind of stares people would look at you? I asked my parents about their opinion and I had an expected answer. They both think that dressing up like that was nuts and just for show off. But I think dressing up is for your own self-satisfaction and not for social acceptance. Who cares about those other people’s damn opinion anyway? (well, at least I don’t).

Yeah, and because of that I feel so outcast today. I locked myself at our house doing projects and trying to keep myself busy. I want to see more cute things. I want to make over our whole house and transform it like a dollhouse but that’s not even possible for what I am now. I can’t afford the expenses. I wonder why even those tiny cute decorations have price like hell. What the heck they are made of?

Anyway, here’s my project for the day:

I have some trouble here 'cause I don't have any elastic nylons so I have to put locks to all of them (it's a pain!). I want to make them all colorful but I don't have enough beads that match each other either (at least I make 1).

I think I really have to shop for more materials.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Coloring the White Frame

Happy Labor’s Day!

Yay! Today is holiday (though it was supposed to be on May 1).

I finished my project for the day. It’s an old white picture frame. I decorated it and gave it a more colorful look. I put my brother’s picture inside. It looks like this:

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Shigeru

My Bro's Graduation

Today I don’t have anything to do, so boring! I sorted some pictures and I just remembered I haven’t transferred my brother’s graduation pictures to the pc. Here are some:

 

He has so many pictures but these are the most decent one, believe me.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Stationeries and Stickers

I love cute things and I collect them. Here are some of them:

 

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Shigeru

Bored

This really sucks! I dressed up for a church mass and didn’t expect that my Dad would give me work after it. I have to sit outside the church with my laptop, wait for the voters, and give their precinct and sequence number. I waited for hours but I realize that I’m really not needed here because two people could manage the job because only few people come. I’m having so many mosquito bites here.

And then and then… I found a really good eye catcher! Wow! Baby dogs! (I forgot the term puppy haha) I’m so happy about it. They’re really cute! I wish I could adopt a least one of them (haha). Too bad, I didn’t have any camera today. Why do I always leave it every time I will encounter cute things?!

Waaah! I want to go home already!

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Ozine Fest

I’ve been looking for pictures at the OZINE FEST 2010. 

I thought my cousin have some so I'm searching his FB for a while now but I couldn’t find any. I found nothing but him having a lovey-dovey relationship with his girlfriend *with envy*. It’s one of my biggest regrets in my entire life! If I knew he’s coming, I should have joined that friend of mine inviting me to that convention. This really sucks. Now I’m craving to attend one. I want to hear live bands. I want to see cute people. I want to enjoy my life being an otaku!

I planned so many times yet I always back out. Why do I feel like a loser? The next time I receive an invitation, I’ll definitely definitely go!

Here are some photos that I stole from the album of my friend’s friend:

Photos from Ace@Facebook

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Shigeru

ASAP XV

I’ve been eating a lot this day and I’m on the way to kitchen (to eat again) when I saw something at ASAP XV. It’s like about JPOP and KPOP. As usual, they kept singing and dancing the same songs again but I noticed something great about this show. I really love Toni Gonzaga and her bangs today. It made me remember my long dream of reviving my bangs (I have it when I was a kid but it suddenly became an eyesore for me).

I love Toni Gonzaga  and Nikki Gil’s outfit today (especially her skirt!) but the other’s… I don’t know.

Yay! They featured TVXQ. I’ve known this group for a while now and I really like them soooooo much! I really like this song :))

 

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Shigeru

Shinkyoku Sōkai Polyphonica

At first, I thought it was another boring anime that would
just pass by my eyes but it's really cute.
I love the characters, the opening theme song, and the BORAI.

APOCRYPHA by EUFONIUS

 

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Shigeru

Lazy Girl

I’m currently improving my lifestyle.

Early in the morning, my cooking skill is tested (but I don’t have any). Yeah, I don’t know what to do with this nice looking fish. I experimented and… Tadaah! Steamed Fish! Yay! I’m so proud of myself! (haha) It would be nice if I had a picture but since we’re hungry, nothing left to be a souvenir.

Nothing interesting happened today aside from that (haha). I was supposed to makeover my accessory drawer but I realize it’s okay the way it is. Oh, another thing that made me proud of myself today is that I successfully cleaned my table. It’s so messy and I found so many Christmas wrappers. I can’t believe that the last time I organize my table was last year. My next target (hopefully tomorrow) is my shelf. I have to tell my Dad to make me a drawer for those bags mixing at my books.

Raining, raining, I can’t help but to reminisce by “ONDOY EXPERIENCE.”
(I’ll try to share it soon)

I have so many things I want to share but I’m distracted with my plans tomorrow.

I HOPE TO RECEIVE MY PAY TOMORROW

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru