Busy days

Everything is out of order: my schedule, my studies, my life, and this blog. I'm busy doing so many things. I wish I could have time to take things slow.

Twilight Saga Eclipse is showing today. I don't feel like watching it. I haven't watched the New Moon too. Hmmm~ I'm tired. I took some pictures of the stuffs that I bought last Sunday but I can't upload it, maybe I've even deleted it accidentally. I don't know. Everything is a mess lately. I can't focus on so many things. I'm completely losing my control to myself.

Tomorrow is July!!! I have so many things planned this month.
THE LAST AIR BENDER is showing this month! So excited~
Here's the link of the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMoGFeMmhKA
Look forward to it! I think it's AWESOME!

Tomorrow I have classes, the other day too. I hope I could fix my blog this Saturday.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

It's all coming back to me now

Luck has finally worn off. The crazy days of my life had begun. I’m feeling so alone again. I’m searching for someone’s warmth, the warmth I really missed so much. I know that she loves me but sometimes I wish she’ll allow me to take her for granted. I wish she’ll let me feel that I’m the most important person in her world… even once.

 June 15, 2010
Classes started, I don’t feel like going but I have to. It ended up tiring but fun.

 June 16, 2010
It’s Wednesday… I don’t have any classes. Don’t feel like going anywhere, stayed at our house, browse the net, and transform into a crazy fan girl again.

Read so many fan fictions today. Awesome!

 June 17, 2010
I have two classes. The hell I’ve got to wake up early. Slept two hours, get prepared and returned to university. I’m inspired so I really feel like studying. I decided to do my best.

The steep path that you'll be walking will be lit, but full of thorns. Good or bad, from start to finish, you're gonna do it anyway, so make your dream come true for those who watch over you, for the ones you love and for yourself.

Get your senses to a super high level, and walk your own path today!

 June 18, 2010
Euphoria of June started to fade off, time to get back to the hard days of my life. Humor has its limitation. I’ve felt that my ego was stepped upon. He stabbed me where it really hurts the most. I’m cursing him right now. I’ll forgive but the “us” before will never return.

Don't judge me. You don't have the right to. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know what I've felt or what I'm feeling right now. So find something better to do with your time... than judge someone you know nothing about.

This is a really bad day for me :((

 June 19, 2010
If I sleep eternally will someone notice this pain?

I don’t know how it happens but I didn’t wake up this day. Did I die? No, no, I’m just tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m already broken.

With one’s back to the wall,
Fear to the death and regrets to the life…
In dazzling morning, I can say good-bye.
Hey, tell me, something to shake and ignite my heartbeat…
To “the brave new world” for “the Wailing Wall”

 June 20, 2010
It’s today. I thought it’s going to be a nice day but I destroyed it. I’m lost right now. I couldn’t find what I’m searching for. I couldn’t find happiness again. The color of rainbow that I’m embracing already vanished with the drops of falling rain. Can I bring it back once again?

Yes of course, I’ll have that best smile again… that will never be broken for sure.

“We’re like a set of puzzle pieces. We fit together so perfectly that it’s hard to imagine we were broken at some point. And like any puzzle, those pieces always look better when they’re together, not when they’re separated.”

“Sometimes pieces don’t fit. Like us, we’re not always happy but any puzzle could be solved no matter how hard it is.”

Sorry God for not attending the mass today. I tried but I failed. I’ll make it up next time. I promise. Thanks for brightening my day. I know you're always here... with me.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Calm Envy

This song is written out a woman's point of view. She doesn't want her boyfriend to leave.

CALM ENVY

The GazettE

Seems like I'm getting melancholic from the sound of the down-pouring rain
Who's dream is this promise in, who is this dream for I wonder?

「I want to see all of you.」 「I want to love all of you.」
Please do it for me

When our hands are connected, there is usually a unknown scent coming from the reverse hand.
「I want to see all of you.」 「I want to love all of you.」
Even though I breath out regularly, it seems like I'm going to crumble

If you would love me deeper than those words
I could believe you just by standing in front of me.
In the suddenly shown past, it was easy every time we would touch
Tears are floating in the blank spaces that I can't fill

It seems like you're breaking away from my inside, you who is beside me also when we snuggle up in peace

「I want to see all of you.」 「I want to love all of you.」
The answer is drowning in a smile
「You don't love, the everyday shadow when it was lost.」
I embrace them in my arms the more I can't make them disappear

If you would love me, even though I threw those words at you
I could believe you just by standing in front of me.
In the suddenly shown past, it hurts every time you touch me
I want to love you to my inner emptiness.
Because I wipe away my tears so you won't be able to notice them

There is nothing more to laugh about in front of me.

We aren't anymore, just hiding the 'goodbye'
I want to be together with you, crying about this 'goodbye'
More than thinking back upon I want to forget.
and now leave me in this empty space.
Don't chase those long passed days.

Don’t leave anything more than what’s already left.
"At least..."
Holding onto this goodbye
Me, sleeping as I hold onto this good bye,
and my faint heat that vanishes like tobacco.

A person that loved the days that won't come back.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

rain rain!

Today it's raining... hibernation period.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Shopping :))

The supposedly study day period became a shopping day, yay! Magnetism should wait for another day, (haha). I’m so happy I bought a new music player. It’s satisfying, hmmm~ I promise to take care of it. I found so many cute things today. I have to save money so they just have to find another owner, poor things^^ Money is really important, isn’t it? You could buy many things and make yourself happy. This may sound materialistic but money could make people so happy. Now I can watch the GazettE pvs without being stuck at our pc. My whole world revolves around this band. I don’t know if this is temporary but I don’t want to lose this feeling. Their songs make me feel that they know and understand what I am going through. The solitude that I always feel disappeared because of them. I’m in love with their songs and I’m in love with their composers. In the old days, I’m not into music but they gave me a reason to love it. Now, I’m drowning with the songs they warmth my heart with.

Last Sunday I bought these shoes:

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Lucky :b

(late post)
(Saturday June 5)

The God of Luck is with me this first week of June (haha). I’m so happy that I always succeed of what am I doing plus I gained so many things. I feel like a very awesome girl. Well, maybe it’s because of what happened last month. I felt that everyday I’m losing important things but now… I’m actually having things on my way (just like a payback).

Today…
*I appreciated life even more
*I found the English translation of the blog I’ve been craving to read
*I finally downloaded the two concert videos of my favorite band and succeeded on downloading the software for file extension program.
*I finally ate meat again (we’ve been eating seafood a lot these past few days)
*I received my hair treatment gift for my birthday^^

Haha^^ Looks like a scene from a horror movie.

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

One week

I can't update my blog... 'Coz I don't have anything interesting done. This is my everyday routine.

Wake up->Eat->Music/DVD->Sleep->Eat->Sleep

See? Nothing great, oh I have some drafts here about the other day.
I failed to post it because I can't find the picture attach with it.
Guess I have to clean my folders and files again.
I'll make some DIY tomorrow and clean (another impossible plan) my room.
Look forward for it ♥

One week before the start of classes, is it time to cram from qualifying exams?
Hmmm... Maybe not, let's just go with "MY PACE" type of study.
I've read about batteries today though I haven't finish the last 3 pages.
It's tiring, you know. It's my first for a long time.
Tomorrow is all about Magnetism.
Haha^^ I started at the middle of the book. I'm glad I've been able to understand what I've studied today. Yeah, I don't usually do study but I want to change for some awesome reason "I WANT TO BE SUPER RICH" (though the MY PACE attitude is still there).

I bought a pair of nice shoes yesterday and a belt. I'll post it tomorrow.
I've been craving to buy a new guitar and focus myself into learning.

I'm also waiting for the sewing machine my mother promised.
So for my list:
guitar, a bag, a cap, a new music player (mp4 will do, cheap things are better, I broke my Ipod recently), concert videos, and some supplies for my DIY

I wonder if I could afford it all^^

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Standing Tour 2006 Nameless Liberty Six Guns

Today I’ve finished one of the concerts. I cried! My eyes are swollen and my inner is so warm. What an amazing feeling! It’s an old concert video (2006) so I doubt if I could share what I’m feeling now into their present fans. The songs, the pvs, the members, they are all awesome in videos but when you watched the whole live performance, it was just so… UNBELIEVABLE! It’s amazing how you see those gifted guys in one stage. This totally rocks! I can’t explain but it’s really a good feeling. I’m so in love with the GazettE. I wrote a fan mail for Ruki. I’m in love with Uruha but I want to praise Ruki for making such great songs and giving a very astonishing performance. I hope the fan mail reaches him :))

It goes on like this…

Hi Ruki! I'm really excited to listen to your new song Shiver. I found its preview in the net and well... It sounds so great! You're really the BEST! You're songs moved me especially the old ones. I hope you continue making songs because it gives a weird but also amazing feeling to others. I wish the best for you. Keep it up! Go go go the GazettE! When I watched your lives and saw you do your best, it makes me feel that I can be like you if I give my all into my dreams. Ah, haha... This is a long fan mail, isn't it? It's my first time making one so I just write everything that's on my mind. I wish you have a long career like... FOREVER. I hope this fan mail reaches you. Haha... I have so many wishes. Good luck again! Do your best!

-END OF FANMAIL-

Haha^^ so fanatict isn’t it? I’m aware that I’m a weird person but I never imagined that I’ll be this obsess with other people. I can’t totally say that I’m in love or something but one thing is for sure… the GazettE has a great impact to the me of now.

“Everything in my world seems so beautiful and gentle since I met you. I can’t hold you, definitely not, nor do I wish for you to notice me. I might get hurt ‘coz this feeling might never reach you but until forever, I know… you will never disappear here, here inside me…” (dot* dot* dot* I’ve gone blank, haha^^)

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

17 years old

This is an old song of the GazettE. It's very appealing and somewhat creepy on how Ruki managed to compose it, haha^^ He said he put his self into the shoe of a 17 year old pregnant girl left by her lover (very sad song isn't it?)

Juu Nana Sai (Seventeen Years Old)

The GazettE

I decided I had no regrets

A woman alone at Tokyo Station, I'm so tired...

And there's no reason to live

I thought the happy days would continue forever

There's this baby in my belly who looks just like you

I was so happy, so happy, but for some unknown reason, I couldn't stop crying

Does it make you unhappy?

Is it a burden for you?

Is that why you abandoned me and disappeared without a word?

The spring I was seventeen, I hated him and the wedding dress hanging on the wall

The last glimpse I had of you as you walked away is burnt into my retinas and won't leave me

"I'm tired of loving you," you said, and left without another word

Do you know...how I felt waiting for you all that time...?

The pain wells up again

Though I scream, nothing changes and I'm still dragging your shadow along

I don't want to make things hard for this baby who will eventually be born

I'm sorry. I can't even hold you tenderly as a mother should

The spring I was seventeen, I cried over my memories, though I know I can never return to those days again

Somewhere deep in my heart, I reach out my hand

Does it make you unhappy?

Is it a burden for you?

Is that why you abandoned me and disappeared without a word?

The wedding dress hanging on the wall...

"Where are you now?"

"Are you doing well?"

"Has your life been happy?"

"You're not how you used to be..."

With the wailing of this baby I haven't seen yet, I wait for spring...

haha^^ Good song. I'm 17!

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

3rd Part

My high school classmates visited me. Yeah, haha^^ a part three of my birthday. Nothing much happened. There’s a small chat and they left to play at a computer shop with my brother. I slept on the other hand. I didn’t expect that they‘d return. My hair was a total messed when they came. That’s sort of uncool of me, haha^^

I don’t know why but I slept for 19 hours this day so approximately I was just awake for 5 hours. I think it’s because of the rain and the cool weather. I’ve missed this so much!

So at midnight, I ate my dinner then faced the pc again. I wish I had a reason to return to the uni. My favorite stores are near my uni but it’s just so freakin’ far! Transportation fee is so expensive just to shop so I wish I could ask my parents for it but that’s unreasonable without any good reasons (and I know that, haha). I want to buy my favorite band’s concert videos as soon as possible. (I hope I could find the one with subs)

Today I discovered this:

The GazettE will release their new song entitled “SHIVER” and it will be use as an op song for the season 2 of the anime Kuroshitsuji. I’m really excited with this anime since last year but now I discovered that the op is from my favorite band… It’s just so AWESOME! Plus, Alois Trancy (protagonist) will be dub by my favorite seiyuu and pop singer Mizuki Nana.

This birthday is too much. Tomorrow’s plan was cancelled but I’m looking forward of these first days of the month since it started with my awesome birthday :))

My GazettE ADDICTION is worsening but I don’t need a MEDICINE for it!
My GAZEROCK addiction is GOOD!

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru

Birthday

So yesterday (June 1, 2010) was my birthday, ah… yes it was. Haha^^ It was so amazingly FUN FUN FUN! Though I never expected it would be. Let’s start in the morning. I woke up with the prettiest smile in the world and greeted my mother a good morning. “What a lovely day,” that’s what I thought… “Let’s search for something to wear!” I found a cute jumper skirt I used to wear until I was 13 or 14 yrs old and it still fits perfectly. Ah, that was it, it matched the cute rose shirt that I received last last Christmas. So as you can see… I’m not really prepared, haha^^ I just received a phone call from my mother and said, “Let’s throw a party!” and the me who’s totally shocked and surprised replied, “Ah sure…” It was the day before my birthday. It’s hard inviting people to attend a birthday party tomorrow after. Haha^^ I’m going crazy, I thought no one could make it. It’s already 1 pm and no one still there. This sucks… My birthday party would end up like Tricia’s (PBB). Few hours later, my high school classmates arrived, and so my college friends. Ah, I’m so happy. I received a cute stuff dog (with some effects and abilities, haha^^) Looks like this :))

At my FB account, I received so many greetings even from the people I don’t know, haha^^. That’s nice. I’m thankful for those and I never really expected for gifts but I’m so glad to received things (who wouldn’t be?). The best thing that I received was a portable DVD player from my parents. I’ve been craving to have one. Now that I have it, I’m thinking how I should spend the money I’m saving for it, (haha). Maybe I’ll just buy an mp5; I broke my Ipod last month, which sucks.

And here’s a blouse… I’m into black so I love it!

Today, my best friend visited me. We really don’t do much, just hang together, eat, and go out. She bought me an ice cream as a present… so delicious! It’s my first time eating a Drumstick with Kit Kat. So sweet ♥ Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures of me eating this...

Live☆Laugh☆Love

Shigeru